Bakutoushi Patton Kun (Famicom Disk System, SoftPro, Released 08.05.88)

Disclaimer:

Let's get this out of the way...

Yes. This is the notice for you to flip the disc to the other side to continue playing the game. In the case of you anal retentive video game collectors who want to spout ironic bullshit phrases like "Emulation equals masturbation", it means "get off your buttertroll ass and flip the Famicom Disk to the other side." In the case of you ethically impaired emulation pirates, it means "find the setting to make Nestopia/NesterJJJnJ/FCEU or whatever you kids use nowadays continue running the game". Regardless of which category you fall under, you might have already noticed that this screen includes the term "INSERT TO FUCKING BOX!". Before reading, it is strongly suggested that you the reader get the giggles out of your system. It's understandable if you may want to make crude jokes about the context in which the phrase can be interpreted. Some may even choose to ramble about how this portion bypassed Nintendo's censorship gestapo. Whatever path you choose, I ask that you put this aside for just a few minutes. Trust me. There's an actual product once you get pass this portion, and that's what this piece is going to cover, not a silly prompt screen with a swear word.

Right, now let's get down to business.

When you take a look at the Famicom Disk System and it's library, you might notice a few things.

One, most of the games sucked.

And two, the games that made their start on the system that didn't suck got translated into cart format at some point anyway.

But let's ignore the stereotypes for just a moment. After all, looked at all the other flopped systems that actually had a decent game or two. 32X had Kolibri and Knuckles Chaotix. Virtual Boy had Wario Cruise. 3DO had a nice adaptation of Samurai Showdown and Street Fighter 2:...some snazzy something Edition. The NGage had... something, I forget. And the game.com had... err... well, you know what? It doesn't matter. Even without the classics that were eventually ported over to cartridge format, the Famicom Disk System was no exception, and Bakutoushi Patton Kun is proof of that.

Bakutoushi Patton Kun, which may or may not translate into "Explosive Fighter Patton", plays a lot like the old tank combat style games during the pre-video game crash days, with a ton of bells and whistles. I'm not exactly sure who Patton Kun is, but I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say it's a wee homage to the great General George S. Patton Jr. I don't think it really matters. If they had called the game Okama Senshi McDiqnibler-Chan, it wouldn't have made a difference. In fact, it may have been edgy enough to keep gamers playing past that goddamn disk-turning prompt.

BPK is a simple game. But if the "casual gaming" craze has taught us anything, it's that simplicity can be the most powerful hook to win over an audience. While it's true that it's a tune up of all the tank games of yore, it still retains the same pick-up-and-play feel that made those game so fun to play to begin with. Although, it should be stressed that Patton-kun is far from a good solo game. Like pretty much any Bomberman game, the real fun is playing on multi-player.

But before we get into that, let's take a look at the construction mode. Here you, and possibly three other players if you actually have any friends, get to customize your war machine. The idea is to distribute up to 30 attribute points in five categories; tank speed, turn sharpness, firing range, and... er... ARMER. It's all up to you. If you want to make a speed demon, go for it. Some may want to make a typical super defensive behemoth for close ranged attacks. And unlike most games with this kind of setup, some might just want to create a happy well balanced tank. You're free to customize your tank to complement your style. A huge step from the Combat you knew on your old Atari VCS/2600, but nothing that would scare away old fat-pixel fogies.

So let's go ahead and turn that disk on over to Side B and insert it. And let's be reminded of that disclaimer as we do that, shall we? Thanks, fellas.

BPK allows up to four players simultaneously, or if you have no friends, one player pitted against three computer controlled tanks. A bit of a downer is that on multi-player games, it's not possible to replace any opened slots with a random computer controlled tank. This may very likely be due to programming restraints at the time, but this might have also been a wise choice. Ever played a multi-player game that actually did pit a bot against you and your other human controlled opponents? Yeah, it usually ends up with a temporary alliance between the other players against the AI filler, and then goes into the battle royale amongst friends. So the lack of a fill-in option just kind of eliminates the redundant rituals.

So you got your 2-4 tanks ready to blast the everloving crap out of anything that moves. Well, actually, no not quiet everything, but we'll get to that a little later. In the meantime we'll get to some more bells and whistles added to the age old formula. First off, the fact that you have different stats for your tank. You probably saw this coming, but no, this isn't a "one hit and you're out" deal.

Remember that ARMER stat we fooled around with when we were setting attributes? Yep, not too shocking but each tank has an ARMER meter to whittle down until the tank explodes. Nothing revolutionary for its time, but look at what we're comparing...

But it's not over with just a blown up tank. Nope, now you got another pest to take care of. The tank's driver. Offensively, this albino Bic logo wannabe, armed with only a puny handgun to combat against other foot soldiers, isn't too much of a threat at this point as he can be taken care of in one hit. Don't think he's completely defenseless though. He scrambles around the field faster than most tanks (regardless of how many points are placed in the Speed attribute) making him a bitch to get out of the way, especially when you got another tank or two on your keister as well.

In typical 8-bit fashion, just as Mario Bros. evolved to Super Mario Bros., the new spin on the formula includes POWER-UPS POWER-UPS POWER-UPS. We'll get to the rest of those in just a moment, but there's a particular one that I'd like to bring up that strengthen how much a threat those little white pea shooters can be. Once in a while, you'll see a chopper dropping reinforcement tanks. If one of these tanks get occupied by the barefoot soldiers, you got another tank in your way to victory. So yes, it's entirely possible to make a major comeback.

This cute happy "aaaaaah, kawaii-desu!! ^_^" little feller' is a homing shot. Using the D-pad, you can control your blasts for a limited amount of time. Extremely useful on retreating tanks and foot soldiers, but can also backfire and hit you if poorly executed.

This oversized bullet thing is what could be considered a breakthrough shot. It's not really any more powerful than your regular cannon, nor is there much difference in range. It's main use is blast through any destroyable walls in it's path. It's not really useful in a lot of areas, but can be a Hail Mary in stages that are almost entirely blocks that you would otherwise have to blast through one at a time.

This thing that looks like a Bullet Bill from Super Mario that just made a pack with Satan pretty much combines the above two weapons. Not only is it a controllable shot, but destroys any breakable walls in it's wake. Extremely useful and deadly in any pretty much any level.

A bit of a saving grace for those tankless foot soldiers, but not really. You can snag one of these grenades and toss it at a tank with a push of the B button. I don't really know if it completely destroys the target, because these things are a bitch to throw against a tank with it's cannon aimed at you. Don't be a hero, Johnny, just keep running until another plane sends you a backup tank.

I'm not sure what this is supposed to resemble. A funktified hammer? A blowtorch? Maybe a oddly shaped fire extinguisher? I don't know nor do I care. All you really need to know is that it recovers your ARMER meter entirely. It doesn't take a friggin' rocket scientist to tell you how useful this is.


I think these things blow up random tanks or something. I didn't really notice when I came across them. Anyways, there are other little items that you'll come across, and I haven't exactly figured those out. Besides, I'm here to review the game, not write an entire FAQ or instruction manual. You should just play the game and judge for yourself if they're worth figuring out, okay? Okay, time to end this interruption intermission...

There are about 56 levels, each a one screen topological torus. Y'know, like Asteroids where if you move off one edge, you'll appear on the other side? Okay, look, to be honest with you, I tried finding a technical term to explain that and probably failed miserably with "topological torus". Most of my vocabulary consists of four letter words, harsh negative adjectives, and mangled cockney with a barbwire of southern slang wrapped around it all, so do me a favor and cut me some slack this time, I'm trying here, alright? Anyway, like Asteroids, you can easily shoot tanks/foot soldiers on the other side of the screen by blasting at the edge closest to you. Programming limits or just an homage to the recently departed era? I'm not sure, but the results of wonderful mayhem born from the resulting simplistics of this game is a marvel in itself.

Separating itself from it's ancestry, however, are the levels structure and design. You'll have barricades you have to blast through, rivers to treck across, hazards, reflective walls and all that fun mess. Also, for 1988, the graphics of these levels, as well as everything else, are actually really nice. You're bound to find some games from this time of the NES/Famicom's lifespan that looked better, but you're also going to stumble on a lot more that look like ass compared to this, especially if you're comparing the portion of the Famicom Disc System library that never got ported over to cartridge format in one form or another.

In terms of music and sounds, don't expect any sort of masterpieces that deserve any potential covers by The Minibosses or whatever gimmick band is covering overexposed Nintendo game music nowadays (Overclocked Remixers may be able to give it a tune-up though). About all Patton-kun has to offer are about three or four of the same simple midi-tracks. Mind you, early NES games were built on simple midis. In fact, if you're like me, the little dingy tunes tend to share the kind of charm as the score from the first couple of Dragon Warrior (Dragon Quest for you anal retentive pseudo-purist Japanophiles) games. But unlike those themes, the limited and simple tracks tend to be a little too low key after playing it awhile. Not exactly a huge disadvantage, just very simple midis for a simple game. It's actually a fitting score.

But if we're going to talk about the cons in this game, let it be known that most of the gripes with Patton-kun can easily be dismissed as minute. The main flaw is that as a single player game, it's rather bland. While the difficulty is adjustable, the computer AI just isn't that much of a challenge no matter what level you have it set to. Rather than just have them set to kill everything that moves, the AI tanks do often decide to team up against you instead of one another. With cheap tactics like that, it's easy to predict that a few players would probably gripe about. Granted that this game was practically made to be a multiplayer game, it leaves much to be desired to anyone wanting a challenge without having to drag friends over or piddle around with organizing a Kaillera session.


Some players may find kind of a strange learning curve in terms of the controlling tanks. It's not too terrible, in fact it's fitting and isn't all that devastating to be honest with you. If you played predecessors of the genre before, you don't exactly have a huge curve to get used to. Newcomers to this style of game, however, may need a few sessions to really catch on.
The final tidbit in the "nitpick flaws" department isn't even really a disadvantage away from being a good game by any means. In fact, it's actually kinda funny. This game has some minor glitches. Dead foot soldiers can be sort of a shield, so to speak. If a hit lands on them, they will of course let out a little "Uuo!!" (displayed in simple Japanese hiragana). However, if you shoot a fallen little guy enough times, he might come back to life. This may be an intentional game mechanic, but if it is, it's certainly a odd one.

Another odd little quirk I came across was one I found while simply messing around. Sometimes if a running soldiers keeps trying to shoot a tank with his puny little handgun, he'll just randomly DIE. Keep in mind, I tried this on a two player game with an idle controller for the tank; the mofo'in albino BiC soldier just fell over and died by continuously shooting at the tank. Maybe a bullet ricocheted on him, I don't know. Point is, I doubt that was intentionally programmed.


So it's got a few glitches. No big deal, it was an age where glitches like these were commonplace and no one seemed to really mind. In fact, it kinda adds to the charm the latter portion of the 8-bit era was; still new, and full of surprises, even if they were a bit strange.

Overall, Bakutoushi Patton Kun is actually a very spiffy little game. Even it's bland, somewhat vacant one-player sessions can be a nice little filler time kill. As a matter of fact, I'm shocked this one didn't get snagged by Nintendo or even one of the big boy publishers, get slightly reworked, ported over to cartridge, and then shipped overseas to give the NES FourScore accessory a game worth buying it for, because I really don't think Super Spike V-Ball really did the trick. Things probably would have worked out better for SoftPro financially if they did, as they didn't exactly go on to make better games. In fact, I think BPK might have been their only one that wasn't painfully mediocre.

I'm going to be really pissed if I ever find out that this was one of those games being considered for a US release but didn't make the cut because Nintendo one-man QA department and propaganda comic strip star Howard Phillips didn't like it.



(...review's done, go home.

...

Why are you still here?

sigh... okay fine, here it is again. Happy?)

Super Back To The Future Part II (Toshiba EMI/Invictus - Super Famicom - Originally Release 7.23.1993)

Acclaim sure knew how to turn a good property to bile, didn’t they? Who here remembers getting excited over Bart Vs. The Space Mutants only to find that someone threw Bart Simpson on a video game box, took a huge steaming crap inside it, and then packaged and shrink-wrapped it in a box? Yeah, they pretty much did that to every game based on a movie or franchise. But before that, remember Back to The Future? Not only was it a horrible game, but it had almost nothing in common with the original movie. You look at any given image of the NES game and tell me if you see anything that remotely resembled the movie outside of the logo and that one stage with the DeLorean. And then we somehow managed to get a sequel. I remember renting this game as a kid thinking "Oh wow, Back To The Future II AND III as a single game! This has to be worth playing!"

It was one of only two games ever that I rented, took back within 15 minutes, and demanded the video store give me a refund. And apparently there’s some justice in this world because they actually did it.

I’d bring up their Sega Genesis adaptation of Back To The Future 3, but making fun of Acclaim for doing stupid things like releasing a literally impossible and unplayable video game without any sort of testing would be like playing a game of Operation with Michael J. Fox; too easy, and too mean. Besides, this isn’t about how those guys failed the Back To The Future franchise, because Acclaim wasn’t the only one guilty of making horrible games from movie franchises (that’s right, THQ, I haven‘t forgotten.) No, instead, we’re going to take a look at the resulting product of what happens when you give a movie license to a company with actual QA testing, a sense of ethics, competence, and the lack of the "I can shit in a box and sell this" mentality.

Super Back To The Future 2 made it’s way on the Super Famicom three years after the original movie’s release, courtesy of Toshiba-EMI (Sword Maniac/X-Kaliber 2097, Master of Monsters, Thunder Spirits). In the video game world, it was a time of wannabes. If someone wasn’t trying to rip off Street Fighter II, they were trying to rip off Sonic The Hedgehog. When I first tried this game, my initial feeling while playing this was that this was going to fall under the latter category. If you’ve ever played any of the speedy-mascot games of the 16-bit era such as Road Runner Death Valley Rally, Socket: Time Dominator, and the countless others which aren’t worth remembering, then you know what I’m talking about. Super BttF2 has the speed element that the mascot games at the time were incorporating. But then I have to tell myself that this was intended for a market that wasn’t all that fixated on fast animals with sassy attitudes, so I can only speculate that making a Sonic clone was not Invictus‘ concern.

Nonetheless, as unfair as it may be to treat it as such, it is probably in all of our best interests to walk into Super BttF2 knowing that it’s gameplay alone classifies it under the “Sonicwannabia” suborder. Even so, this is not an automatic dismissal, as Super BttF2 is far from generic. With that and everything this article describes, I have to wonder just why didn't we get this. Perhaps it was a matter of American publishers fear of exposing a very Japanese-style interpretation of a well known western property? Or might it have just been that the franchise was dwindling in popularity to the point where the name would have shunned? My personal theory is that it was either some or all of those factors taken in combination with licensing issues. Regardless, we missed out on a solid title, especially with the attraction to Sonic style gameplay which was all the rage on Western shores in those days.
The story more or less follows that of Back To The Future 2 with a few liberties then and there. And by “liberties” I mean “cute super-deformed anime caricatures.” Yes, we’re talking cute miniatures of Marty McFly and Doc Brown. Yes, we get SD Biff/Griff Tannen with a Jay Leno chin. We even get a squatty and dot-eyed recreation of the cranky bald principle who was fixated on the word “slackers“. He looks kind of like oldschool Popeye. And yes… they will probably make the average anime fangirl yelp the word “kawaiiiiiiiiiiiii“ or something close in the most annoying high-pitched squeal you will ever hear. Leave it up to the Japanese to actually make Christopher Lloyd look adorable. But you know what? I’m not going to make jokes about that, because even with that and the random kung-fu baddies that pop out, it’s still looks closer to the movie than the western video game adaptations. Once you get over the cartoon designs, you’ll find some very solid gameplay. Because this was intended for a Japanese audience, obviously all the text is in Japanese. Fortunately you don’t really have to know anything about the dialog or even the original movies to enjoy the game, but for all you fan translators out there that may be reading this piece, the game‘s worth taking up as a side project.

You take control of Marty McFly, bounded on the trademark pink hoverboard as seen in the movies as he “hover-shreds” his way through six different stages broken into five parts (with a boss character waiting at the end), all of which correspond with the original story, traveling through various eras of the years 2015, the altered 1985, and finally back to 1955. Now being of the Sonicwannabia suborder, Super BttF2 is a very speed oriented set in very large and wide opened stages full of nooks and crannies that are uncovered with just bit of skill, a feat that only Bubsy managed to pull off. Actually, now that I look back at it, Bubsy only scratched the surface of what Super BttF2 did in terms of level design. In fact, the levels alone may just be able to take on those of the Sonic series, the very alpha order of the species itself.

However, controlling Marty does have a pretty steep learning curve. The first thing that most players notice is the fact that you’re not controlling Marty on foot but rather on the hoverboard. Fear not, as that change of the standard actually plays a part in what stands Super BttF2 apart from the rest of the suborder. In the grand scheme of things, you’re playing this game as you would most any other action game rather than some bizarre skateboarding sports title. I wanted to emphasize this, as I’ve seen this game get a “sports” sub tag in other web listings of this game. The board alone is where the “sports game” connection is, and even with that, anyone giving it such a tag never bothered to really look at the game. There are virtually NO sports elements to this game. It’s purely cosmetic.

This is not to say that the control scheme is different. Far from it, as a matter of fact; Super BttF2 does not have the orthodox button settings most seasoned platform action players are used to.

If you’re playing with an original SNES/SFC pad (or something close), you’ll notice that unlike most games of the action genre, you’re using the button normally designated to jump (Button B) is instead used to speed up. Likewise, Button Y that is usually the standard as the “action/attack command” in other titles of the genre is instead used to jump. Granted, Marty’s flip jump doubles as an attack, it’s not completely backwards, but because it is the only real jump button in the game, players used to the common setting of other titles will be thrown off quiet a bit. However, while there’s no way the designate any sort of different control methods through the options prompt, there are other methods of control initially available. Button A is also used to jump. If you wanted to, you could play the game “NES controller” style and play it much like you would a Super Mario title. Another option, since Button X an alternate button to that of Button B, would be to place your thumb over X and A as if you would with the standard Y/B scheme of other Super NES/Super Famicom platformers.

Of course, if you’re playing this on an emulator, then you can set your own layout, so that probably doesn’t matter to you, now does it?

Regardless of how you want to hold your controller, basic movement is still something that requires a deal of getting used to. Speeding up can and will throw you completely off course, so don’t go into this expecting that constant speed is a good thing as it is with just about any given Mario title. Hoverboards do not exactly stop on a dime if you know what I mean. When it comes to attacking, those familiar with the genre will probably take the mentality that simply landing on your enemy’s head is going to do the trick. I am both happy and sad to say this is not going to be the case. Shades of Sonic here again my friends as falling off a ledge and on top an enemy will hurt.

You’ll notice quickly that there are coins scattered everywhere, as just about every other action game of this caliber has some sort of constant item of mass quantities. Unlike most of the others, Super BttF2 doesn’t take the formula of x number of coins = an extra chance. Rather it’s actually used as a currency. Along the way you’ll find extra bonuses such as invincibility, extra lives, health and shields. Yep, Sonicwannabia kicking in again, but with another slight twist. They’re not free for the grabbing. You actually have to spend coins to access these power-ups, and unless you’re exploring every area and actually bother to defeat enemies in your path (most which do drop coins), you’re going to have a hard time ahead of you. This game does not give you any favors for you here. You’re in for a challenge, and this is another strong element as to why.

It’s not all The Sonic Clone School of Hard Knocks however, as you are given a slight break from the challenge from time to time, and strangely enough, it’s in the form of the boss battles. They’re actually rather easy. I dare say some of them are painfully easy, such as the case of the final showdown with Biff. Granted there are a few that do provide some challenge (most notable being the showdown against the second to last boss, Biff’s three cronies which I dare say is the hardest boss battle of all), but for the most part, some may find these end stage bosses more like an interactive comedy intermission than anything else.

Gameplay aside, I have to really point out another major element that sets Super BttF2 apart from other games period. Probably the most admirable element about this game as a whole was it's music. I’m not one to write about a game’s music when I review, unless it’s really awful or really good, because usually it‘s a trivial thing. In this case, it‘s good enough to want to write an article all it's own about. Rather than taking Alan Selvestri's beloved theme and dwindling it down to a series of bland midis, the famous overture was not only properly translated and well synthesized, but outdoes itself compared to most 16-bit soundtracks of it's time. Not only is the initial theme present on the title screen, it's also given a number of remixes to serve as background music that really blends in well with the stages. Considering that SBttF2's composer went on to make a hell of a resume for himself, including work on the twelfth installment of a certain little fantasy RPG known for not living up to ever being "Final", that should tell you that you'll probably want to have the sound on your emulator up for this one.

Despite it’s more than obvious gameplay influence, Super Back To The Future 2 is certainly worth a look. If you only liked Sonic, but want something with a little bit of a different pace and interesting twists, I highly recommend you give it a go






MANURE! Biff HATES manure!!!

Let's Try This Again...

Time to do this thing. I'll be uploading older reviews over the course of the next week or two.