16.10.10

Video Game Micro-Reviews: Viewer's Requests!

Not only was I too lazy to do a real review, I was too lazy to pick out what games to review myself.  So I asked both my private Facebook (friends only, unless you post that you're a fan) and my Twitter followers what five games they'd like to see Micro-Reviewed, i.e. a single sentence review for a title.  I'll probably do more of these in the future, because most of them have been reviewed so much, they're not worth multiple paragraphs.

"Raven" requested Super Pac-Man, which is available on a ton of compilations, but I felt the need to say something about it:


It's not very Super when you compare it to the superior Pac game of the golden era, Ms. Pac-Man.





Next, former GGP colleague Chris "@taitaisanchez" Deguzman requested the US-born stepchild of the Sega Genesis Sonic games, Sonic Spinball, available on the Sonic Ultimate Genesis Collection for PS360.



If someone made a game out of Sonic 2's Casino Night Zone, added more bumpers, and threw in a bunch of the characters from the Sonic comic by Archie, you'd get a challenging but fair-quality pinball/action hybrid.






"Lance" was actually the first to respond to my request for requests, and gets two of his suggestions on the table.  The first is the Dreamcast's Bangai-O.


Insane fast-paced 2D shmup' that lives up to the hype of both players and critics, and Treasure's reputation.

He also requested Conquest Of The Crystal Palace for NES:




Action side-scroller developed by Quest and reminiscent of Alex Kidd, only with more substance and without fear of being "too Asian"!





Finally, Derek "Lucifer, The Black Angel Of Horseflies And Death" Cowan must have been looking through my darkest fears, because he wanted to see my one-sentence opinion on Wall Street Kid.  Derek, you've either unleashed Pandora's Box or did me a huge service:
I'm not exaggerating when I say that this poorly executed lesson in economics is the worst game I've ever played, and I've played E.T. on 2600 PLUS several 8-bit Taiwanese knockoffs of Street Fighter!
  
Well, cat's out of the bag as to my most hated game of all time... so I guess it's time to wrap this up.  If you want to see more micro-reviews, follow me on the Twitter, and submit your suggestions.

6.10.10

Weird Ass Video Game Magazine Ads Revival

Well I was hoping to crank out another game review, but there are about three on the backburner that I haven't had a chance to replay (one that's been in limbo for two years now), mostly due to school and life.  Instead, I thought I'd bring to the table a few of my favorite video game magazine advertisements, for various reasons.  Yeah, I'm aware that video game ads have been done by every other game site and blog out there, which is why I didn't want to make this a regular feature.  However, most of what I have hasn't been covered (except for the now-dissolved Guttergamers' Paradise), and if it has, well there's no hurting in having a second opinion, now is there?

First my all time favorite video game ad is for Skate or Die 2 for the Nintendo Entertainment System...


Skate or Die 2 was a low-to-mediocre quality game, it's only appeal being the digitized voices.  And even that got annoying if you stayed on the title screen for too long.  No, that jumbo (for the time) TV isn't showing the title screen.  The reason I love this ad is that I want this room.  I want skateboards, guitars, cardboard flatten poodles and fake wall cracks everywhere, while other skaters shredding everywhere and flying over my head when I play anything that's NOT Skate or Die 2.  Because this is just kicking.  Sadly, unless we buy a house with a suitable basement that I can make into my "Man-Cave", making this ad a reality just isn't happening for me.

But if this ad's awesome amount of sheer concentrated non-non-NON-heinous makes you want to play Skate or Die 2, be my guest!












Not a game, but ancient online service.  From an ad that ran in Video Games & Computer Entertainment for GE's GEnie online service...
"Bobcat Goldthwait After Meth" doesn't do this gentleman any justice.  Why can't ads for PlayStation Network or XBox Live be as aggressive?  Probably because no matter what system's online service you take, you're going to end up with douchebags with popped collars and 11-year-olds screaming into the mic for their mom to get chocolate milk.  Actually, just show this ad, replace all the references to the titles with current games, slap on the XBox Live logo, and maybe, just maybe it'll scare off all the idiots.  Because if you teabag this guy in Halo Reach, he'll probably hunt you down and eat your liver raw.  Oh Psychotic GEnie Guy, if only you were real to turn online gaming into an asshole and snot-nosed brat-free paradise.

This one is a bit sad, not just because of the fact that it's advertising a delay, but the fact that the Sega Genesis/MegaDrive port of Lufia & The Fortress of Doom never saw the light of day in the end.


I find it interesting, because the only time I've ever seen a company advertise a game's delay was on a demo disc for the original PlayStation port of Lunar: The Silver Star Story done by the now defunct Working Designs, and even then, they didn't have to purchase ad-space.  For those of you that didn't own a Super Nintendo, the only console that you could play Lufia on, and are still wondering "Well WOULD it have been worth the wait?", allow me the honors of a screen shot.

Lufia & The Fortress of Doom (SNES)

Phantasy Star 2 was a better game in terms of graphics, challenge, originality, and design.  Lufia 1 was just generic in every aspect.  A lot of people really liked the first Lufia game, but to me, it didn't really offer anything other RPGs of the time (and a generation early) to the table.  Lufia 2, on the other hand, is a different story altogether.  Too different of one to discuss today.  Don't believe me?  Well if you have some spare change, try 'em out for yourself.  Here, I'll help:















And one more before we call it a day... the cult classic TurboGraphx-16 killer ap, Bonk's Adventure.

Sure, it looks like a well put-together ad, with a decent illustration of Bonk. Naturally, with every mascot game comes a whimsical story.  Granted, this is from the early 90's when you could get away with sounding like a baked-brain beach bum to appeal to the demographic.  With that in mind, the story seems pretty standard, unless you've actually play the game.  What am I talking about?  Let's look at this a little closer.


You'd think you're in for a simple "save the hot girl" or even a "save the helpless female counterpart of the main character" story when you read this, but here's where you run into trouble.  This is said Princess Za:

That's right, she's a reptile.  That's your "most excellent-looking cave babe", a feminine lizard.  Now it's true that the Turbo didn't have the best of ads (Google "Johnny Turbo" sometime), but this has me thinking that whoever was behind this ad was either:

A. Actually high, and not faking it to appeal to a demographic saturated by the English in Ninja Turtles and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

B. Furry.

C. Only read a description, and didn't bother to play the game, check with the creators, or any other documents pertaining to the product before writing.

D. A combination of all the above.

Now I can't say that 12-year-old me wasn't mildly (and I do mean mildly) disappointed when he rented and finished this game, hoping for a sexy cave woman that would make Princess Toadstool/Peach look like a milk maid, but I had to point out this ad just to show you folks how far we've come when it comes to game advertising.  That and I really liked Bonk's Adventure.  Misleading advertising or not.

That's all I have for now.  Let's do this again sometime.

4.8.10

DragonQuest IX: Over 100 Hours Later

DragonQuest, formerly called Dragon Warrior in the west, has been a series that's had a very bumpy ride in the US.  When the original entry on the Nintendo Entertainment System was introduced in America, Nintendo ended up giving away the game to subscribers of their official magazine Nintendo Power.  The following three games became nothing more than cult classics in America, while the fifth and sixth installments released in Japan for the Super Famicom [Super Nintendo Entertainment System], Enix, well before they merged with Square, chose to keep the games Japanese-only releases while localizing mediocre and bland JRPGs to the west like The 7th Saga and ASCII's Linus under the name Paladin's Quest.  The series would return to America with the next entry (as Dragon Warrior VII) on the original Sony PlayStation.  Due to little marketing and an extremely high difficulty and required time "grinding" for experience when compared to the Final Fantasy games Americans have been used to for a while, DW7 was unable to find nearly as much success as it did in Japan, where the DragonQuest has always been the phenomenon that alone deserves its own entry. A couple of years after the merger that became Square Enix, the JRPG conglomorate decided to give the series another crack outside of Japan with the PlayStation2's DragonQuest VIII, this time, keeping the original Japanese title in tact, giving it better marketing, and packing it in with a demo of the long-awaited Final Fantasy XII over a year before its release.  If Square's first fighting game, Tobal No.1, has taught us anything, it's that you can't bundle a demo with a game that has illustrations by Akira Toriyama, the artist behind every DragonQuest game as well as the creator of the hit anime/manga series DragonBall.  While DQ8 is a fine game with some of the best cell-shaded graphics even to this day, it's sadly not hard to miss in the bargain bin.

SquareEnix has also tried it's hand with spinoffs and remakes of past DragonQuest games, none of which have been commercially successful.  Even now, the only way to play DQ6, remade for the Nintendo DS in Japan, in English is to download a rom of it and slap a translation patch on it.

In spite of DragonQuest's bumpy history and SquareEnix's lack of faith in the series outside of Japan after losing sales with other DQ games, Nintendo of America saw something fantastic and decided to publish and heavily promote the latest and most unique entry in the series, Dragon Quest IX.  When this game was first announced in Japan, many people had their doubts.  First, it's a technical downgrade, going from the PS2 to the technically less powerful Nintendo DS, also making it the first original DQ game on a portable system rather than a home console.  It's also the first in the series to offer multiplayer.  A Japanese RPG with turn-based combat AND local wifi multiplayer? "That'll never work!"

After playing two sessions at a Nintendo promotional event for DQ9 at the Buford, GA GameStop, I'm convinced that this isn't just some gimmick.  It's completely optional, but it's also a load of fun, and I hope to find more DQ9 players.

Players start off by creating a male or female character and customizing everything from hair, eyes, skin tone, and even mouth, all of which definitely has the Akira Toriyama style (yes DragonBall fans, you CAN make your own Goku, Krillin, Bulma, and Tien).  A little into the game, you have the option of creating more characters to join your party.  Like Dragon Quest/Warrior 3, you can choose each of their classes, but your main character's class always starts off as a Ministrel, a well-balanced class despite the fact that Ministrels and Spoony Bards have always been shunned upon in other games.  Later on, you have the option changing anyone's class and also unlocking some new Advanced Classes.  Much like Western RPGs, any piece of equipment you find or purchase and equip will show on your character's body.  For example, when I starting off in Angel Falls, the first area of the game, I had a monster drop a pair of boxer shorts.  They were actually stronger than my starting pants, so I had a crazy sword-wielding lunatic in his boxers shortening the slime population.  Later on, you'll find equipment that doesn't have any real stat-boosting traits, but good for show.

Alchemy, introduced in DQ8, returns.  Unlike alchemy in the previous DragonQuest, there is no time limit in concocting a recipe.  The small downside is that you can only preform alchemy at one location in the game, but it's the same place that serves as your "headquarters" where you do a lot of the game's features, including the game's "home shopping network" called DQVC.  Nintendo updates this store daily via wifi, and not only will you sometimes find rare items, but also new quests and sometimes even cameos from characters of past DQ/DW games who will give you their own items, such as DQ/DW4's Elena who gave me her robe.

I won't go into the story of DQ9, but I will say that like many DQ/DW games, it's a rather simplistic one.  There are a few twists here and there, but a lot of it is very predictable.  The main quest is rather short, but well written in mostly British dialect, with tons of puns, my favorites being the game's central hub which is an inn called Quester's Rest (a play on words on the unpopular cult NES game Fester's Quest [based on The Addam's Family franchise]) in addition to a school that transforms the name of another academy from a very popular book series about some wizard kid.  If you're not trying to score the best items and explore, but instead rush through, you can finish the main story in 45 to 60 hours.  On top of that, it's incredibly easy when compared to previous games in the series.  Not once did I die from anything while playing any part of the main story, though there were a few close calls.

Here's the good news for the hardcore.  Even after you've finished the game, rather than a still dormant "The End" screen, you pick off right where you left off to explore the world to your liking.  You can do quests for NPCs (non-playable characters), some of which are needed to unlock advanced classes as well as new abilities, while others are "find x item(s)" much like MMORPG quests with rewards worth less than the items and effort put into them.  Or you can try your hand at some treasure hunting.

In the main story line, you'll find a treasure map from one of the games NPCs leading to a monster-infested dungeon, and you'll obtain another map for each of these grottos you finish.  Another advantage to local wifi is Tag Mode.  While in Tag Mode, you leave your DS (whatever version you have) idle while it seeks for other DQ9 players that are also in Tag Mode. With it, you can share treasure maps you've uncovered.  At the DQ9 event I recently attended, not only was the Nintendo representative sharing a unique map to fight Dragon Warrior 3's final boss, but I also ran into a very high leveled player sharing a map that contained experience point-wealthy Metal King Slimes. Thanks to that, my main character went from a Level 43 Gladiator (when I beat the game) to 62 in a really short time!  Also, a lot of these maps can be tough.  It was when I started exploring grottos that I tasted death for the first time.

If I have a complaint about this game, it's not the game itself but the lack of finding other players.  By tagging a certain number of players in Tag Mode, you not only get new treasure maps, but also unlock new areas of Quester's Rest with bonus items.  In Japan, where people are still playing DQ9 a year after its release, public transportation is often used and it's much easier to get tags.  Depending on where you are in America, you're not likely to get many tags unless you're at one of Nintendo's events or a convention such as the Penny Arcade Expo that's loaded with video game nerds.  I've had one player tell me how he was stuck in a traffic jam in Atlanta, and managed to get a couple of tags.  I know this game has sold quiet well, but I've canvassed malls for DQ players and came up with nothing.  You can still enjoy the game immensely if you're a fan of JRPGs, or even if you're a complete newcomer, but I'm really hoping more people dive into this.

It's my own policy not to give a score of any kind to a game.  Famitsu, Japan's biggest video game magazine, gave this game a perfect score, and while I won't say it wasn't well deserved, I've yet to find "the perfect game". Distant multi-player would have made this game a lot better, and the main story could have used some work.  DQ9 manages to do something different, but at the same time, sticks to its traditional mechanics as well.  And I have to really respect that.  While this is only August, I'm giving DragonQuest IX my vote for Game Of The Year.  If you don't own a Nintendo DS, this game alone is worth buying one, even if it's not a DSi (and you can always trade it in on a 3DS next year).  You can't say that about Final Fantasy XIII and the systems it's on!

TL;DR: Extremely recommended for both newcomers and hardcore RPG fans.

Also Recommended:

25.4.10

PS3 One-Sentence Reviews

Until I figure out what to do with this blog, here are some one-sentence game reviews.

Never has my intelligence and ability as a RPG gamer been this offended by a Final Fantasy game since Mystic Quest.









Poor man’s Phantasy Star Online, and that’s putting it nicely.













Manages to stay fresh even after wading through idiots scribbling “I’m in trouble, please evaluate this message” every two steps of the way.