Weird Ass Video Game Magazine Ads Revival

Well I was hoping to crank out another game review, but there are about three on the backburner that I haven't had a chance to replay (one that's been in limbo for two years now), mostly due to school and life.  Instead, I thought I'd bring to the table a few of my favorite video game magazine advertisements, for various reasons.  Yeah, I'm aware that video game ads have been done by every other game site and blog out there, which is why I didn't want to make this a regular feature.  However, most of what I have hasn't been covered (except for the now-dissolved Guttergamers' Paradise), and if it has, well there's no hurting in having a second opinion, now is there?

First my all time favorite video game ad is for Skate or Die 2 for the Nintendo Entertainment System...

Skate or Die 2 was a low-to-mediocre quality game, it's only appeal being the digitized voices.  And even that got annoying if you stayed on the title screen for too long.  No, that jumbo (for the time) TV isn't showing the title screen.  The reason I love this ad is that I want this room.  I want skateboards, guitars, cardboard flatten poodles and fake wall cracks everywhere, while other skaters shredding everywhere and flying over my head when I play anything that's NOT Skate or Die 2.  Because this is just kicking.  Sadly, unless we buy a house with a suitable basement that I can make into my "Man-Cave", making this ad a reality just isn't happening for me.

But if this ad's awesome amount of sheer concentrated non-non-NON-heinous makes you want to play Skate or Die 2, be my guest!












Not a game, but ancient online service.  From an ad that ran in Video Games & Computer Entertainment for GE's GEnie online service...

"Bobcat Goldthwait After Meth" doesn't do this gentleman any justice.  Why can't ads for PlayStation Network or XBox Live be as aggressive?  Probably because no matter what system's online service you take, you're going to end up with douchebags with popped collars and 11-year-olds screaming into the mic for their mom to get chocolate milk.  Actually, just show this ad, replace all the references to the titles with current games, slap on the XBox Live logo, and maybe, just maybe it'll scare off all the idiots.  Because if you teabag this guy in Halo Reach, he'll probably hunt you down and eat your liver raw.  Oh Psychotic GEnie Guy, if only you were real to turn online gaming into an asshole and snot-nosed brat-free paradise.

This one is a bit sad, not just because of the fact that it's advertising a delay, but the fact that the Sega Genesis/MegaDrive port of Lufia & The Fortress of Doom never saw the light of day in the end.

I find it interesting, because the only time I've ever seen a company advertise a game's delay was on a demo disc for the original PlayStation port of Lunar: The Silver Star Story done by the now defunct Working Designs, and even then, they didn't have to purchase ad-space.  For those of you that didn't own a Super Nintendo, the only console that you could play Lufia on, and are still wondering "Well WOULD it have been worth the wait?", allow me the honors of a screen shot.

Lufia & The Fortress of Doom (SNES)

Phantasy Star 2 was a better game in terms of graphics, challenge, originality, and design.  Lufia 1 was just generic in every aspect.  A lot of people really liked the first Lufia game, but to me, it didn't really offer anything other RPGs of the time (and a generation early) to the table.  Lufia 2, on the other hand, is a different story altogether.  Too different of one to discuss today.  Don't believe me?  Well if you have some spare change, try 'em out for yourself.  Here, I'll help:















And one more before we call it a day... the cult classic TurboGraphx-16 killer ap, Bonk's Adventure.

Sure, it looks like a well put-together ad, with a decent illustration of Bonk. Naturally, with every mascot game comes a whimsical story.  Granted, this is from the early 90's when you could get away with sounding like a baked-brain beach bum to appeal to the demographic.  With that in mind, the story seems pretty standard, unless you've actually play the game.  What am I talking about?  Let's look at this a little closer.

You'd think you're in for a simple "save the hot girl" or even a "save the helpless female counterpart of the main character" story when you read this, but here's where you run into trouble.  This is said Princess Za:

That's right, she's a reptile.  That's your "most excellent-looking cave babe", a feminine lizard.  Now it's true that the Turbo didn't have the best of ads (Google "Johnny Turbo" sometime), but this has me thinking that whoever was behind this ad was either:

A. Actually high, and not faking it to appeal to a demographic saturated by the English in Ninja Turtles and Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

B. Furry.

C. Only read a description, and didn't bother to play the game, check with the creators, or any other documents pertaining to the product before writing.

D. A combination of all the above.

Now I can't say that 12-year-old me wasn't mildly (and I do mean mildly) disappointed when he rented and finished this game, hoping for a sexy cave woman that would make Princess Toadstool/Peach look like a milk maid, but I had to point out this ad just to show you folks how far we've come when it comes to game advertising.  That and I really liked Bonk's Adventure.  Misleading advertising or not.

That's all I have for now.  Let's do this again sometime.